figneutron

I'm a 62 yr old male yet I look, feel, think, and act many years younger. I have been a scientist from the age of 9. My specialty is psychology yet I'm knowledgeable in many fields including biology, physics, and mathematics. The following adjectives describe my personality: intellectual, intense, broad-minded, accepting, empathic, sincere, honest, trustworthy, artistic, creative, witty, inquisitive, insightful, articulate, outgoing, adventurous, and engaging. I like people, and they like me. I also have a great sense of humor. I enjoy studying the mysterious and the unknown and writing my findings. I consider myself a member of the avant-garde and someone ahead of his time. I am eager to learn all I can about human contact with intelligent beings from advanced civilizations in the universe. I am certain that it has been happening for a long time.

klaatu

Welcome figneutron to VA. Hope you can share some of your thoughts here. I was caught lately but I am preparing some new posts.
This is a fun / hobby site for me and I am sharing with you the same curiosity about ET intelligent beings.

__________________
"Unless we have come to know what is correct, we cannot perceive what is incorrect."
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.

Stardust

i miss Figneutron in your self description only part with : "very humble as well" ...... ;]

__________________

"Imagine there is no countries,
it isn't hard to do,
nothing to kill or die for,
and no religion too..."

figneutron

Stardust cites my omission of humility in my profile. I considered including it when I wrote mine and concluded that it was contradicted my description as a whole. I am not a show-off or a braggart, nor do I one-up others, trying to make them feel inferior. I respect other people and appreciate what they bring to the world that is good and valuable. I also believe that I was blessed to be born a gifted human being, and I feel an obligation to use the ability bestowed me to the fullest for the benefit of others. I am always embarrassed when I submit a profile, and I am afraid that many who read it are put-off having concluded that I am bragging. All my life people have told me that I am special, and I have always believed them. As my life progressed I became more aware of my talents and traits and the rarity of the personality they constitute. Aside from my good fortune, I was also the recipient of horrible bad luck that crippled me until a few years ago. In short, I am the eldest son of parents designated by some psychologist "schizophrengenic," meaning that they unwittingly raise one or more of their children in a way that makes them very prone to schizophrenia. My youngest brother, the baby of the family, suffered this tragic fate and has been disabled since he was 19. He, too, is gifted. His destruction by this terrible disease still saddens me, and I continue to grieve his loss. I began to grieve it thirty years ago, so my grief is now residual. What is more, I also developed pathologically to be cursed with a schizoid personality, a mental illness less severe yet still disabling. From the age of 29 to 60 I fought to overcome this personal catastrophe. I became a psychologist for two reasons, one of them to heal myself. I underwent three years of very intense avant-garde therapy (Primal Therapy) from 1977 to 1980. Although I during it I made crucial progress and broken break through my formidable complex of schizoid defenses, I was then overwhelmed by intense emotion that was originally in infancy mortal grief and the natural reaction to emotional abandonment. Unconsciously, my mother had remained ambivalent about bearing and raising her first child due to very stressful circumstances and her own complex, chronic mental illness. I know she tried to love me, did the best she could do. I know, too, that she was convinced that she loved me. But she was blind to the fact that she was so extremely cold and distant that she could not actually do so. A child is loved only if he feels loved, and I never felt it at any time in my childhood. Instead, I always felt isolated and ignored along with a vague sense that I was somehow doomed (the latter is a clear early sign of a schizoid condition). It cannot be overemphasized that love is much more than a good intention, it exists only in action, and my mother she was unable to deliver the affection and intimacy as well as to allow the attachment that I so crucially needed. Tragically eight weeks after my birth, my parents misinterpreted my long, all-out protest, one of crying for days at the top of my lungs unconsolably. Along with my pediatrician and my extended family, everyone concluded that I was suffering "colic.” In effect, my life was ruined by the unthinkable mistaken belief that my distress was commonplace, harmless, and that it must run its course. Incredibly, only two years ago was I finally able to revisit this trauma in self-therapy, as it took twenty years for me to discover a technique sufficiently powerful enabling me to do and thereby complete my treatment. Here, I learned that my "colic" was a desperate plea for rescue, for someone to save my life, to take me from the two devils who only clothed and fed me. Believe it or not, I was able realize the unthinkable truth about this incident by emotionally revisiting this catastrophic trauma at the end of self-therapy. With the exception of a few psychologists, all other so-called experts on child development continue to insist that such a thing is not possible. Let me add that, as in many fields of science, they don't know everything..

I will end my narrative here. I suppose you wonder why I have gone at such length and in such detail to begin to tell my personal story. I am not certain of all my motivations, but I realize that I did so in part to illustrate and "back up" what I asserted so boldy in my profile. In a word, over the course of my adult life during which I struggled to see another day, I was able to accomplish what I believe is a heroic and exceptionally rare achievement: an approximate self-cure of one of the schizoid spectrum disorders, an accomplishment unheard of in the circles of clinical psychology and psychiatry. I will finish by acknowledging that most people who read what I have disclosed will conclude that I am either delusional or lying, but the truth remains whether or not it is accepted To quote Martin Luther King, the truth will win in the end.

Stardust

i can't come yet with so loooong reply, so the only thing what i wished to add is:
- i like people who like themselves (and from your descriptions it looks you do)
- and hope my fingerpoitning the 'omission of humbleness' was taken only as a friendly smile - as you can't see so frequently people stating so many good and warm words about themselves

Plus we have one single rule over the forum - neither sorry nor apologizes for beliefs you carry (even regarding to your person); so you don't have to 'back up' your position. Thought it was incredible back up :]

__________________

"Imagine there is no countries,
it isn't hard to do,
nothing to kill or die for,
and no religion too..."

figneutron

I just realized why I joined this group. I did it for an unconscious reason that I know now. I feel a need and obligaton to tell the rest of my story. My captivation with alien visitation and all UFO matters, especially contact with extraterrestrial beings was a metaphor for the crucial psychological trauma that ruined my life 62 years ago. For 33 years, since age 29, I have been trying to find the main cause of the severe mental illness that afflicted me from early childhood until now. The origin is the refusal of my parents to love me, yet to keep me as their own. The trauma that destroyed me and ruined my life happened over several days when I was a baby still unable to sit up, maybe 2 months old. I cried and cried and cried begging my parents to give me to someone who would love me. I tried to communicate, too, that they were killing me by keeping me around. They did not give me away. Instead I feel they used me, so that they could maintain the facade that there was nothing wrong with them, that they were good persons living a normal life. I fought for days crying to exhaustion to compel them to surrender me so that I could go on living. But I lost. In order to survive, I automatically adapted by going crazy to cope with an outrage so contrary to human nature that it is almost unthinkable. I repressed the memory of it, stopped feeling the need for love, became very anxious, and tried to act as if nothing was wrong. My parents showed me no mercy. It would have been better if they had killed me outright so I would not have survived to suffer as I did. Instead, thy condemned me to a life of torture consisting of failure, anxiety, frustration, immaturity, dependence, confusion, doubt, loss, poverty, loneliness, self-hatred, exploitation of others, etc. My mother died last year of Alzheimer's disease. I wonder if one of the causes of her illness was guilt, and Alzheimer's was a way to destroy the memory of what she had done to me (she also did the same thing to my younger brother who has been schizophrenic and disabled since age 19). My father is still alive, and I think his guilt has moved him to help me financially. Though I have a job- a menial one- I can only pay my bills with the money he gives me.

So, what does this have to do with my fascination with alien contact? It's obvious now that my passion for ufology was the manifestation of my memory of the trauma that ruined my life. In this last few months I began to fantasize that aliens were going to come for me and take me away from this crazy planet to live with them in their better world. It is clear that this fantasy is a metaphor for what happened to me when I was a little baby begging to be rescued from my cruel, evil parents. Believe me, I didn't make this up!

I feel so relieved now, as though I have been freed from life imprisonment in solitary! I hope that registering here and telling my story has not imposed on you or harmed you in any way. Please forgive me if you feel I have used you: I just didn't know what I was doing.

The Best to All,

figneutron

klaatu

I don't see any problem with you telling the story here.

__________________
"Unless we have come to know what is correct, we cannot perceive what is incorrect."
Words processed in a facility that contains nuts.